Oru Kanavin Aarambam

college - 3rd year - 6 th sem holidays - Like everyone else, My only dream was to get placed in an MNC.
get good money.
wear cool jeans,
hang with earphones, nod to my favourite track as i work, as i swift through my scooty,
as i do other similar stuffs,
see movies without any fear of monthly budget, also save some amount,
get some gifts for family and friends
and lead a happy life.

four attempts failed. got placed in the 5th company IBM. one year passed in just enjoying that celebration and enjoying the golden final year moments.
 
joined IBM Bangalore. new place. new culture. independent. During the initial days, I wasnt bothered much about my work or to learn new technology. I didnt even feel anything when my first code worked. because I really did not know how it worked. what is the functionality and all that. I was given a design, I know the syntax, and I got some results which I didn't know whether it is right or wrong, but got approved.
 
I had that... that which I thought is enjoyment.
Yes, roamed in the forum and garuda malls, I started wearing all new branded jeans, mp3 players, listen to music almost all day all long, see movies in PVR, enjoy the luxurious experience as i watch my favourite movie.. reviewing the movie with friends in the after hour. get gifts for family and friends on special occasions..
 
everything was there, but something was missing. yes, the last part of my college dream. to lead a happy life..
day by day, some or the other thing kept reminding me that it is missing. Reminders may be some thought provoking forwards..roadside beggars.. the daily status meeting, the routine work, the evening juice, a philosophical chat with good friend, smiling faces of children... the traffic, the pollution, the noise
and my silence amidst the noise...

I slowly started realising I am somewhere else.
Somewhere in the middle of nowhere. A little emptiness started creeping inside.. but I wasnt ready to accept that I was not happy with my job. Because once, this is what I dreamt of. and now I am not enjoying it. I tried to force myself to enjoy this kind of life. I worked in bangalore, chennai, hyderabad. learnt so many things.. so many things that I never imagined to come across in my life, professionally, socially and personally. Now, I look back and shake my head once and see that it is going to be four years in IT in the same company.

I had so many ideas.. so many things which I wanted to do.. I knew very well that I am good at doing them..
wanted to give back.. I wanted to write..I wrote.. but couldnt reach where I want to be. I wanted to be a social worker.. do something to society as part time.. so many other dreams..
yet I did not end up in doing them..
 
yosithu paarthaal oru kaaranam solla mudiyavillai. yaenendraal irunthatho aayiram kaaranangalin pattiyal. Ivai anaithirkkum moola kaaranam naan.. naan.. naan mattumae.. oru velai enakkoru velai illaamal irundhirundhaal, indru naan nenaithathai seithu mudikka idai vidaathu muyarchithiruppaeno ennavo theirya villai..enadhu velai oru balaveenam aanadhu. namakkoru velai irukkindrathu endra oru ennam..yaaraavathu pick pocket adithaalum, bank numberukku phone seithu cardai block seiyyalaam endra oru asattu thaiyiriam pondru velai thaan irukkiradhae endru oru alatchiyam. vegangal thadai pattana.. ennangal mudakka pattana. kadhavugal naan moodaamale moodi vittana..
 
sila naatkalaaga meendum edho oru salanam. thurupiditha kadhavugal marubadiyum thirakkum 'kireech' endra oru satham.. neenda naal vidumuraikku pinbu, ennangalin kanavu mutham. pattiyal aarambam. kanavugalin pattiyal...

to be part of an NGO, or join with friends n start an NGO, which works for society in various aspects.. from orphanage, to child education,to oldage home, blood donation, public grievances, help those fighting for justice, fight pollution, national integrity, women's rights, something like 24x7 helpline??? and so on..

to start a business. provide employment to others.. to taste the real success by working for myself and the society...

to start writing again seriously and see how far i can go.. how many miles can I cover....

to rediscover my capability... to show me to myself. to start the battle between what I am and what I can.

Marubadiyum en manadhirkkul oru pakkam ennai varpuruthum oru ennam.. "unnal idhu mudiyumaa.. ippo irukkura velaikku enna korachal.. ivlo naal nallaa thaana irundha.. idhukku thaana nee aasa patta..ippo enna pudhu prachanai?"

idharkellaam bathil adi kodukindrathu mattroru ennam...

"enakku intha s/w la interest poiduchu.. enna thaan namma potta code successful naalum.. adhu yaarukko panrom nu oru ennam subtitle maadiri vandhu vandhu pogudhu... mugam theriyaadha oru end userukkaaga... urangaamal unnaamal kodutha code fixes,deliverables... enakku accident aanaa replacement yaarunnu mattum yosikkura oru work culture.

oru civil engineer kooda road la pogum bodhu.. ithu naan kattuna building.. naan kattuna fly over nu sollalaam..aanaa namma......ithu naan deploy panna code nu engayum solla mudiyaathu..

its time to give back. oru naalu paerukku employment nammalaala kudukka mudiyum nu therinjapparam..
namma namakkaaga mattum vela paarthu sambaarikaradhu sari illa... adhu suyanalam.. aids, swine flu idhai ellaam vida koduraamaana vyaadhi suyanalam.. maathavangalukku paravaamaleye unakkulle irundhu ulagaiye azhikka koodiya oru vyaadhi..

naamalum vaazhanum.. vaazhavum vaikkanum.. live and let live..
 
ofcourse, intha velaikku thaan aasa patten.. inniku enakku ivlo exposure, confidence, ellaathukkum kaaranam ippo naan irukkara ennoda first job thaan. athukku naan ennikkum nandri therivippaen. .aanaa athulaiyae irukkanum nu avasiyam illa. naalaiku ndtv cnn-ibn la interview pannaa ennoda confidence ku adithalam en IBM job nu marakaama solluven :-D "
 
ippadi ellaam innoru ennam sonna pinbu, muthalil pesiya ennam kaanamal ponavar patriya arivippil idam petradhu.
 
hmmm.. ya..entha oru vishayamum start panrathu thaan kashtam.. oru thadava oru kai paathutta evanum onnum panna mudiyaathu..intha blogpost ezhuthum pothu irukkum thelivu naan edukkum pudhu muyarchigalilum irukka vendum endru nambugiraen..oriru aandugal kazhithu marubadiyum idhai padikkum podhu naan indha kanavugalil edhaenum ondraiyaavadhu iyakki, vetriyai muthamittu iruppen endru nambugiraen.. appadi illaamal oru manaiviyaagavo illai oru kuzhandhaikku thaayaagavo mattum aanaalum, intha blogpost.. idhai padikkum yaarukkaavadhu oru undhudhalaaga irukkum endru nambugiraen.
 
life is learning.. both on your own and from others...

As SRK says in OSO.. "itni shiddat say mein nay tumhein panay ki koshih ki hai, ki har zarray nay mujhe tum say milanay ki sazaish ki hai, kehtay hein agar kisi cheez ko dil se chahoo tu puri kayanat ussay tum say milanay ki koshih mein lag jati hai, aaj aap sab nay mujhe meri chahat se milaya. Thank You! Thank You very much! Mein aap sab ka shukar guzaar hoon ki aap nay meray kawaboon ko yaqeen mein badal diya, itna ki I feel like the king of the world, aur aaj iss baat ka bhi yaqeen hoo gaya ki hamari filmoon ki tarah hamari zindagi mein bhi, end mein sab theek hoo jata hai, happies endings, aur agar theek na hoo toh woh the end nahi hai doston, Picture abhi baki hai"


ennai marubadiyum naan theda mudivu seithirukkiren. oru pudhu mudivirkaaga idho... oru kanavin aarambam..

Oru Nodi! / Moment

எதிர்பாராமல் நீ என்னைப் பார்க்கும் போது

நான் உன்னைப் பார்க்கும் அந்த ஒரு நொடி .....

அந்த ஒரு நொடி .... ஏன் ஒரு நொடியிலேயே முடிகின்றது?

 For people who don't know to read tamil, here is the translation:
 
The moment, I see you,
when you accidentally see me ...
why is that moment always ending in a moment?